circles…
Its been like a few light years, before i logged onto my blog again! and as i went through and saw my previous post, i was kinda amused by my tagline…
khamoshi-ek pal ke liye
and then it is followed by:
yet another weblog on wordpress.com!
what a stunt!
Mere saath khamoshi sirf ek pal tak rehti hai, uske baad to mera muh band hi nahi hota!
Sometimes, i wonder that i really talk a lot, words show who i am. and sometimes, its those very words that inhibit me from expressing myself. I realise, that off lately, i have just stopped socialising myself. Am i suffering from misanthropia?! Its not people, but places that give me a high. i enjoy ‘with’ and ‘without’ people. I dont want to trust anymore for the fear of getting hurt. Things are just slipping away from my hands, and i lay petrified on a smiling carpet. Too much has been happening too fast.
Life seems like coerced now, as if it is being wrung by the hands of fate. Emotions seldom seem to affect me, and i thought i am a sentimental fool! There are very few people in my life, i truly want. And the dichotomy being that ‘they’ dont realise their importance.
I know a lot of people, but they are not friends. I talk to a lot of people, but they still dont know me. and there are people who dont even require words, to know who the real ‘me’ is. i have a huge network, but not a huge circle.
I realise, that wherever i go, any hang-out joint, there is no place where i dont seem to know people. people, people, people, everywhere…a few days back, i went out to watch a movie at noida, and met a college friend. The guy who accompanied me, has often met more friends of mine, than his, cuz everytime we are out, we bump across a few bunch of my folks! And this time, i was like…lets go to NFC, i am sure we wont find folks there, and we could peacefully talk.
We land in NFC, a find a bunch of 10 people out of which i knew only one of them. at any given point of time, every person in the group knew only 2 people, and we just kept proliferating. Someone’s friend, someone’s boyfriend, someone’s brother…people just kept trickling in, and the numbers increased. But i felt so out of place, they were old friends, but not close friends! Maybe, the only reason i had a good time, was because we trace down our friendship in deep annals of time.
Whats the point of knowing so many poeple, when they dont care for you? What is the point of knowing so many heads, when you dont care for them? They are just stagnant entries in your fone-book, and hang-out buddies if you accidently bump across them.
Friends from school are friends for life. Friends from college are friends till college. Friends from office are not friends at all.I was penning down something a few days back, though the thought was triggered by a friend of mine, and i attribute the last lines to ‘jumbo’…
When you are saturated and yet not satisfied,
When you are happy and yet not content
When you have the strength and yet dont want to play
When you are a winner, a winner of losses.
Thats how you make me feel
like a void
that is COMPLETELY FILLED
with ‘nothing’!
