khamoshi-ek pal ke liye…

This weekend was the alternate long weekend. As usual, went out, had fun! A trip to the bookfair, with my boss’s wife, Surajkund Mela with Dorky with an extensive photography session, and a lousy Sunday with movie watching and gearing myself for Monday morning blues. But this post is not about what I did.

My mum had just started working with a publishing house and edits books for them. She has never worked in an organization and it’s only lately, 4 months, to be precise, that she thought that now the time is ripe to leave her daughters to themselves and start to work. For all these years, mum religiously got up to make food, pack us to school, wait for us to come back, feed us with lunch, make us sleep, send us to tuitions, teach tuitions herself, then start cooking dinner and spend the night watching saas bahu serials!

It was a mundane routine that she followed. I went to the book fair and as I was rambling around, I serendipitously struck my mum’s publication house. On browsing through the books, I saw more than 10 books that had my mum’s name. As I turned around, I spotted her boss too. I was so delighted, that at last my mum is living her dreams. After fulfilling her duties as a caring mother, a diligent wife, she is on the road to find her womanhood. She has always made sure that her daughters are treated as if they were her sons.

In the dominant patriarchal set-up that we live in, girls are not considered a boon to the family, especially if you are the first grand-child. But my mum has just fought against everyone in the world, to give me the support and raise me up, without me having to face too many hurdles.

Same is the case with dad. I might have a million arguments with dad. I might fight with him, raise my voice, he raises his voice. Ego-clashes. I shut the door and start crying in my room. But I cannot think of another man taking his place. I can’t imagine any dad letting his daughter come back home from work at 1 in the night.

Such fathers are either care-free, or don’t worry about their daughter’s too much. But in my case, dad used to stay awake till the time I don’t enter home. He used to everyday note down the cab number I am coming in. he is not the over-possessive father, but the protective one.

Even now, he doesn’t ask me to give a penny out of my salary for the home expenses. Even now, he has never interfered in what I should do, or where I should work. Even now, he comes to pick me up from my workstation everyday or else I would have to slog on public transport in the chilly winter evenings.

I might have a fight with him every Sunday. Happens, when we see too much of each other. But I love him.

My sister, she is a darling. If I had to choose one person in the world for whom I would self-lessly give my life for, it has GOT to be my sister. Younger by 5 years, I tell her everything that a 15 year old can probably comprehend. She has covered up for me, many times. There have been times, when she has given her pocket money savings so that ‘I’ could buy chocopie and gobble it all by myself. We rarely fight, but when we do fight, we just don’t speak to each other for many days.

I am very bad at expressing my feelings for my family. I just can’t. I don’t know why. If it were a friend, it is so simple. I could either make a card, or give them flowers or just text them, saying that they mean a lot to me. But when it comes to family, I just suck. I just can’t can’t can’t, tell them how much they mean to me. Maybe that’s why I am writing about it. A lot of ego comes in. I just cant sorry. I just can’t say I Love You.

But this time, as I was surfing through my mum’s books, I just picked up my phone and called up my mum. She picked up and I stated how proud I was about having a mum like her. That I love her. That I feel proud to be her daughter. I started to cry. I hung up the fone.